I’ve not commuted for 5 years now, can you tell?
Five Types of Irish Drivers
1. “I’ll Just Drive Here in The Dark”
It’s 8am on an October morning, it’s dark-ish, foggy and the roads are wet and slippery and covered in leaves. Why are you driving without your lights on? They don’t just help you see, they help us other drivers see you in shitty weather. C’mon, twist that dial and light up the roads!
2. “I’ll Just Stop Right Here”
We’re convoying for the last few miles, the speed is okay and we’re going to make it to the school on time but WAIT! There’s another car coming in the distance so you brake, you keep braking and you stop. Did you know that cars can drive past each other without stopping. I know, right? Mind blowing!
3. “Both Sides Of The Road Are Mine”
Far too many people do not grasp the concept of driving on the left hand side of the road. Sure, we have to dodge potholes or over take pedestrians but these people are gunning for the middle of the road and coming straight for me (sometimes so much so that I revert to the “I’ll Just Stop Right Here” kind of driver…)
4. “I’ll Just Turn Here. Suddenly. Without Indicating.”
Not indicating does not make you cool. Other drivers are not psychic (psychotic maybe!) hence that magic stalk in/around/near your steering wheel is called an indicator and indicates that you’re going to turn. It all comes together when it’s spelled out for you, amirite? Go on, move that stick up and down occasionally, make us other drivers smile or you know not psychotic.
5. I’ll Just Drive Really Close To You, I’ll Definitely Get There Quicker”
No, no you won’t. Braking Distance, people! Braking distance, it’s all about the aul safety and you not ending up in my boot making introductions. You don’t get there any quicker, in fact I will slow down, to a crawl just to watch your face scrunch up and alter between frustration and confusion. I can literally see the cogs turning when you try to figure out how to overtake me or run me off the road! So just keep back and we’ll all get there in one piece.