Curveballs and plans

Sometimes I stop and think if someone had told me two years ago that I would be where I am now, I would have laughed in their face. Yet here I am juggling my days between walking dogs, feeding and mucking about with ponies and of course raising a baby. I had a plan. Everyone has plans, right? My plan involved getting my horse broken and to be riding her last summer. A week after I got her, I found out I was pregnant. Not just pregnant but 22 weeks pregnant. Everything changed. Within a week we named our baby, had found a house to live in and made lots of little plans.

Three months after I had T, I had gall stones and had an awful weekend in which we had a chimney fire and then emergency gall bladder surgery. So I couldn’t lift, push, pull for 6 weeks after that. Then in April the small grey pony had a foal. We didn’t know she was in foal. Another mouth to feed! And then I decided to foster a puppy. He’s still here too.

These days I am always trying to plan things. Last Autumn I decided I would do a distance learning course in Organic Gardening. I would need about 1 hour of quiet time a week for study. Did it happen? Nope. Between all the dog walking, feeding and moving ponies, raising a baby and the endless housework it just took a backseat. This morning, I got my course notes emailed through and they’re on week 18. I think I’ve read about 2 weeks worth of notes. Then there was the odd practical weekend I would attend at the college. Did that happen? Would it have happened? Nope. Aside from all of the above I am wracked with guilt at the thought of leaving T. Except for the odd few hours here and there and my time in hospital last March, I’ve never left her. What if something happened her and I wasn’t there? What if she was got really upset and nobody could console her? I know I will have to let this go soon but it’s really difficult. I’m with her 24/7, I can’t imagine not having her with me.

Then there is plans with the house, replace the awful carpet in the hall, paint everywhere, put up shelves, get more storage, build a chicken coop, build raised beds but again there’s always something. Usually boils down to money and then time and then bodies to help with the task and mind T.

These days I find planning really frustrating. Our routine is totally off at the moment as someone is teething and likes to stay up late. Just last week we were getting up at 7am and starting our day with a walk, feeding ponies and berry smoothies to set us up for the day. This week we are slow, very slow starters. We have our breakfast first and then walk in the late morning and have been very lazy with housework.

I’m hoping this year there won’t be so many curveballs and plans laid aside. Anyone else out there find it hard to plan days when they have a little one?

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